Table of contents
- 500 Days of Summer
- Blue Valentine
- Her
- La La Land
- Marriage Story
- The data on age, relationships, and communication
500 Days of Summer (2009)
Mismatched expectations and poor communication mark Tom and Summer’s relationship. Summer says early on she doesn’t want a serious relationship, but Tom is sure she’ll change her mind. Neither revisits this conversation honestly, so Tom builds up resentment while Summer feels misunderstood.
Blue Valentine (2010)
Many of Dean and Cindy’s struggles stem from unspoken frustrations, resentments, and a failure to communicate openly about unmet expectations. Dean desperately tries to reignite intimacy with Cindy, but she remains withdrawn. Instead of articulating her feelings of emotional exhaustion, she avoids confrontation. Dean, unable to grasp her silence, interprets it as rejection.
Her (2013)
Theodore and Samantha, an AI, have many deep conversations, but remain disconnected on issues like needs and existence in general, drawing attention to the fragility that comes with communication gaps.
La La Land (2016)
Mia tells Sebastian she feels he’s compromising his true passion by joining a band. He hears this as criticism of his ambition and shuts down defensively. Their failure to support each other’s ambitions creates a growing rift, which failure to express needs clearly exacerbates. Ultimately, their careers pull them in different directions, culminating in a bittersweet finale.
Marriage Story (2019)
Marriage Story is one of the few films that explores the impact of midlife communication skills on relationship outcomes. Charlie and Nicole are in their late 30s or early 40s and dealing with the collapse of their marriage. Their struggles with communication are very much tied to career pressures, parenting, and the long-term strain of unspoken issues. Nicole tries to explain her feelings of being unseen in the marriage, but Charlie acts dismissively.
They go to therapy, but talk to the therapist more than they do to each other, and the communication lapse sets the tone for their divorce. Years of miscommunication and avoidance of difficult conversations about individuality and sacrifice lead the relationship to unravel.
Age, relationship status, and communication skills
Communication skills tend to peak at midlife, which may partially account for the fact that just 23% of people aged 30-49 are single, compared to 28% of those aged 50-64, 36% of those 65 and older, and 41% of those ages 18 to 29. There are also significant gender differences, with males under 30 being by far the most likely to be single. More than half of men this age (51%) are single, compared with just 21% of men 65 and older and 27% of those ages 30 to 64. Women are much more likely to be single when they get older – 49% of women over 65 are unpartnered, which reflects women living longer rather than any communication lapses. Middle-aged women are the least likely to be unpartnered (19%), compared to 29% of women aged 50-64 and 32% of those aged 18-29.
This data accounts for dating app usage, with men and younger adults being most likely to use such platforms. Men are much more active on dating apps than women, and the most active age group is 18-29.
Final thoughts
The other side of the coin is that if one has not made an effort to improve their communication skills by midlife, doing so will become harder and harder with age. As the above films illustrate, communication is key to a successful relationship, not that we need films to tell us that: cinema reflects real life, not vice versa. Movies can’t go very deep into relationship dynamics because the story needs to fit into around 2 hours. In the real world, the impact of poor communication on relationships is much more profound and difficult to endure.
